Both Sides|Loneliness, a Reflection
- en Cultura
Por Jay Bildstein
The loneliness comes. Choking loneliness. Unexplainable. Sitting with people – Lonely! Walking along a city street – Lonely! At a party, lonely. Lonely! Not being alone but feeling disconnected.
It hurts. Not sharp pain but a dull ache. It feels like it will never leave. We go to sleep with it. We awake and it is still there. We cry. And when we don’t, we still choke on our nonexistent tears, streaming down the painted face in our hearts. Silent suffering. Forced smiles offered.
You tell a friend, “Hey, I’m lonely.” You think they don’t care and then you realize you only told them in your head. You never spoke the words. And you think they don’t care. You wallow in your loneliness. And it beats your body like six large wooden spoons tied to a rope and swung at your gut. The pain from any given swing is not unbearable, just annoying. But the constant slapping against your stomach doubles you over in your mind. It creates the demoralizing sensation of being in a deep hole, from which there is no getting out.
No escape it feels like. Loneliness! Constant. Nagging. Droning. Soul suffocating. Loneliness.
We, trapped, nourish it. We feed it the sickeningly sweet cotton candy of falsehood. We are unlovable, we tell ourselves. Nobody cares, we tell ourselves. This is our fate, we tell ourselves. Well, friend, that fate can wait for all eternity. Because it is false. Because our loneliness is a product of us.
Me times three, divided by two is some number, but my soul is indivisible. My Soul is indivisible. I have to remember that. My soul is not the end result of some fallible human equation. No! My soul flows from the fountain of the divine, the always was and always will be. And all souls are connected. We are connected.
We are lonely when we fail to see that we are all connected. We are lonely when we look in rather than reaching out. We are lonely when we believe the false truth of night, while at the beach in the middle of the day, sun bright, sky blue and waters inviting.
Our fate is interconnectedness, whether we see it or not. Whether we feel it or not. Our destiny is our Soul’s destiny and all souls are linked forever and inexorably.
I am we. We are one. Reach out and dance the celebration of life. Reach out and heal what is within. Comfort those who are lonely and your loneliness subsides. Perhaps not right away. Yet this is not about instant. It is about always. Reach out and celebrate.